VidRhythm 001 – “Alfred”
My first video using Harmonix’s new iOS App “VidRhythym.” A fucking masterpiece, if you ask me.
And you did.
Overheard at the Fry-alator #0001
“Man, that is ugly. And I mean like a ginger kid who’s been in the sun too long ugly.”
Quickie! – Video Game Review – “EA Sports Active 2″ (Xbox 360)
EA Sports Active 2: Dick Kicker.
Pragmatic Asshole: EA Active 2. It kicks your ass’s dick.
ThunderBunny: How’s it for cardio?
Pragmatic Asshole: It reaches into your chest, tears your lungs out and punches them in their throats.
Pragmatic Asshole: Then it laughs at you and says it will give your lungs back IF you can say “please, I need those to live.” BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE IT’S KICKED YOUR FUCKING LUNGS’ ASSES!!! …Best video game review ever. Going up on the blog.
- If you would like a video game/movie/book/whatever reviewed, don’t hesitate to drop me an e-mail (PragHole@gmail.com) or Twitter (@PragHole).
Whatchu be bloggin’ ’bout?
So what can I say to keep you entertained and keep coming back? I guess I could post free porn or direct download links to the latest Bruno Mars album for you. (By the way, what a fucking stupid name. Seriously. …if it turns out that that is indeed Mr. Mars’ real name, I apologize. Apologize that you have a fucking stupid name.) Alas, no. All I can offer is my somewhat skewed point of view on life and my bottomless well of hilarity.
I’ll be talking daily life, politics (and why I am apolitical), fast food, video games, and griping. Griping a lot. Like…stupidly a lot. I’ve already taken the initiative to create the category of “Rant” so that you can find those entries before they even exist. Oh, but they’ll exist, all right.
This blog is going to be a refined version of my audioblog (audioboo.fm/twinkiebeyond). Regular listeners of that podcast understand that nothing was ever scripted and that they would just have to forgive me for repeating myself or tripping up on a thought. With a blog, I’m able to meticulously choose every word that I type. No more “hey, did you see that YouTube clip?” and then fumbling over the description. Now I can link you crazy bitches to the hilarious YouTube videos I watch of slow children putting on puppet shows. (By the way, here’s one of my favorites.) Hell, I’ll even be able to throw in multi-syllabic words like “meticulously.”
This blog will feature entries with:
- Views on relatable daily life
- Criticism of people’s foibles and complete fuckeries
- Opinions on current events
- My hate for all Internet-related humor
- Food
- Video games
- Other assorted crazy shit
Thanks for reading.
In closing: “Bruno Mars.” Stupid.
A Nude Start.
So I’ve got this blog that you should read. It’s found right…here.
I’ve had blogs in the past–LiveJournal, www.twinkiebeyond.com, what have you–but I think I’m gonna stick it out with this one. For reals.
Anything “writing” has always been the only thing in life I’ve ever had a strong passion for. I’ve always prided myself on my grate impeccable spelling, grammar, and (huge) diction. In short, I’m really good at writing. I’m also a better writer than I am an orator.
I’ve done the podcasts, the AudioBoos, the vidcasts, and all that other bullshit…but, I’m just better at blogging. That’s why Twitter just works for me.
People who know me (and the people who listen to any incarnation of “Twinkie Beyond: The Podcast” who think they know me) might tell you that I’m an opinionated person. Though, my closest friends couldn’t tell you dick about me other than what they remember from high school. I’m a different person now that I’m an adult. A better person. “Jackie Plus,” if you will.
I went with a blog name that sums me up pretty well, methinks. (I think that I had a blog by this name already at one point.)
My thought process is–tool term!–stream-lined and I generally get straight to the point with softening the blow. I am somewhat impatient when it comes to waiting on closure. I need answers and I want to eschew any obfuscation (read: avoid any bullshit).
I don’t really think I’m an asshole, though my brusque replies can certainly elicit that perception. Truth is, I think I’m a very fair and kind person. All I look for in life is balance; if something ain’t fair, then I’m gonna be that asshole that raises his voice to make it fair. I’m a sarcastic person who thinks that people who call themselves “sarcastic” don’t know what that word even fucking means. I have a dark sense of humor and I appreciate anybody who “gets it.” If you’re not into that kind of thing, I’ve got a big bag of baby dicks for you to eat.
Most, if not all, of you have come to this blog through one of the billion “Twinkie Beyond”-branded Internet…things. Be it the Twitter (twitter.com/twinkiebeyond), the podcast (audioboo.fm/twinkiebeyond), or whatever porn torrent that directed you here, I appreciate you having read this far. I intend to update this blog at least three times a week. Also, I intend to make this a long-term thing. If three blog entries a week isn’t enough for you, firstly, fuck you. You ain’t payin’ me. Secondly, I update my Twitter account very regularly.
So why is this “a nude start”? Because now you’re thinking about my balls and stuff. Hot.
Thanks for coming by. Feel free to leave any comments.
Oh…and…my balls.
